Sometimes It Hurts
by HedgieX
Summary: As Nick holds a knife to her throat, Rachel thinks about her life and the people who have made it special. Later, surrounded by Janet, Gill and the lads in hospital, she tries to come to terms with love and life and happiness. Rachel/Janet friendship.
1. Chapter 1: Defence

**A/N: Hi! I've just been re-watching all of series one, and I thought I might write a little FanFic!**

**Everything seems to be Janet/Andy (apart from the Janet/Rachel one – loved the end!) but what I really loved was the friendship between Janet and Rachel, and how close they were even though they argued, so here we go...**

Chapter 1 – Defence

"Please, Nick. Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't... don't do this."

Rachel could hear her own voice tremor as she talked to him. Her hands, buried deep inside her pockets, were trembling. Nick, standing in front of her – towering over her – just smiled.

"Janet's coming," she tried to sound convincing.

He nodded, the smile not falling, "Yeah."

Her eyes caught the glint of the blade, clutched in his fingers, held against her throat. She gulped. The way he said 'yeah'; she knew he knew she was lying. She knew that, even if Janet did come, she didn't stand a chance.

"It's okay, Rachel."

"How can it be okay?"

She remembered what she'd said to him. _You've played silly buggers with the wrong person, mate._ She'd thought he had. She'd thought she was untouchable.

Then she'd fallen back in love with him, all over again, despite everything. She'd ignored Janet – they'd fallen out over him, their worst argument ever. _He's changed. _Oh, how she wished that had been true now.

"It won't hurt for long," he sighed.

"That comforts me."

Even now, she managed to sound sarcastic. She was always so sarcastic, wasn't she? She always pushed everyone away, with her harsh words, and her spiteful tone. All they wanted to do was help, and she pushed them away.

"I thought you were different, you know. After the men I've been out with, I thought you could turn my life around. I loved you like I've never loved anyone else."

"Oh, Rachel," Nick ran a finger along the handle of the knife, the smile flickering on his lips, "I'm sorry. Truly, I am."

"No. I'm sorry – I'm sorry I even fell for it – fell for any of this. How could I have been so stupid? There I was, blaming myself, thinking 'if only I'd been more hygienic', or 'if I'd tried to drink less'. And really it was all your fault."

"Not quite _all _my fault."

She stared down at the floor. She didn't want to meet his gaze, didn't want him to see her fear. She didn't even know why she was scared, really – it would be over quickly. Maybe it would be better than life; nothing would matter any more.

But she kept seeing Janet lying there, after she'd been stabbed by Jeff, and she kept hearing those words. _Don't let them put me on a slab. Not naked. _Those words pierced her heart.

"Look, I have to do this. I can't let you ruin everything I have. You're too powerful, Rachel – I didn't realise. You can do too much. This is how it has to be."

She wasn't even listening now, not really. She was thinking about her and Janet, about their relationship. The arguments, and the make-ups. The trust between them.

She remembered how scared she'd been for Janet. _She's my best friend – I don't want her to die! _It hurt so much more seeing someone you loved in pain that feeling that pain yourself.

Cradling Janet's head on her knee, trying to keep her awake as Gill and Andy drove them through the streets of Manchester. And those long hours after they'd rushed to the hospital; the longest of her life. Janet had a family: Adrian, and the girls. Who did she have? Who would miss her?

"You're a barrister, Nick. You enforce the law. You're not supposed to sleep with ten different women at once, or leave me with all my bags outside the kebab shop, or nearly lose me my job. You can't do this; you know you can't. You can't get away with it," she was babbling now, and she knew it.

"Calm down, Rachel. Come on, look at me. It'll be over – 12 seconds, remember? You'll barely feel anything."

"You... you really don't fit in anywhere, do you? You really don't understand how emotions work, or what it's like to love. You know what, Nick? I really pity you."

He moved the knife closer to her skin and cut a tiny scratch into her neck, just nipping the flesh. Experimenting, enjoying seeing her pain. "I think I can live with that."

"What about the baby, Nick? _Our_ baby? You threw me out – you didn't give a damn. You know, you were a baby once. You needed love. Although maybe that's why you're so messed up, because you didn't get that love."

"Don't bring my parents into this."

She managed the smallest smile, "My father was sarcastic, like me. He expected a lot – he wanted me to aim high. And yeah, we fell out sometimes, and I didn't always like him, but look where he got me. If he hadn't been there, I'd never have got anywhere."

"I'm a barrister. I did get somewhere."

She realised, for the first time, that he sounded a little bit threatened now, "And my mum. She always encouraged me, even when I thought nothing could ever be okay again. She was always there to pick me up."

"What, like that Janet is now? You know, I'm sure I wasn't the only one who wasn't loyal," he was steering the conversation away again, "I was convinced you two had an affair."

She'd said something along those lines to Adrian, once. That felt so long ago now. _I'm shagging her._ That had been a funny night. So much of her life felt like a blur right now.

"MIT's couple of the month – Godzilla would've loved that."

Oh, Gill. _Cry, vomit, resign, sulk._ With all her cold exterior, she cared so much. _Get pissed, shag someone, watch telly_. If... no, when – she forced herself to be positive even now – she got out of here, she'd run up to Gill and hug her, and tell her she was the best boss ever. Yeah. Kevin would die laughing.

Kevin, and Andy, and Mitch, and everyone else. She'd buy them doughnuts from Greggs, with sprinkles and jam, and watch them eat until they were sick. All those things she should've done, and never had.

But mainly Janet. She'd always been there, just like a best friend should be. Told her straight – too straight – how things were; never lied. They'd argued, but that didn't matter. They'd always been there for each other, and they always would be.

"Are you ready, Rachel?"

She didn't even answer that. What was the point?

"I'm sorry," he said. Then he raised the knife, and touched her neck again, and she closed her eyes and prayed.

There was a crash from outside, and raised voices, and pounding footsteps. The knife slipped down as Nick jumped. It slashed her shoulder, and plunged into her stomach.

And she screamed.

XxXxX

**I probably gave away in the summary that there might be another chapter to come, if I get any time in between studying!**

**This is my first Scott & Bailey story – please review and tell me what you think! :) xx**


	2. Chapter 2: Questions

**One exam down, two to go this month, so I'm taking the chance to update. It's not that long, but...**

**Thanks for the reviews; I really appreciate it. This chapter is dedicated to TheCatInTheHourglass.**

Chapter 2

"Rachel," a soft, slightly clammy hand reached out and took her own, entwining their fingers, carrying the warmth up her arm, "Come on."

"Wake up, Sherlock. We need you."

Behind closed eyelids, Rachel felt her tears well up, burning against the skin. Because it hurt, and because she was scared. Because she was alive, and because it was over.

She listened. Janet was the one holding her hand, muttering something about how quiet the pub was without her. Cheeky bitch. Actually, she remembered a conversation now; Janet desperately trying to dig herself out of a ditch. _Clever bitch. Her, not you. Not that you're not. Clever._And a bitch, it seemed. Well, they all knew that. That was why she was here.

What surprised her, though, perhaps even unsettled her, were the other occupants of the room. Low voices, she thought, maybe Andy and Mitch. Why were they here? Was it a party? And Gill, still calling her Sherlock. She didn't feel as though she deserved that title any more.

"Rach?" Janet seemed to sense her reluctance. Janet could sense a lot of things, but then again, she'd been here and done this; maybe she'd got the t-shirt too. Only a few months ago, it had been her life hanging in the balance.

She opened her eyes, for Janet, looked straight into that blue gaze. The deepest gaze, lighter than sapphire, gleaming in the weak sunlight that filtered in through the blinds. Gleaming solely because of the sun, or because of something else too?

"About time," a voice called, a voice that was definitely Kevin.

Gill, on the other side of the bed, shot him a glare, "Not now."

"It... it's okay," she didn't try to raise herself onto an elbow, only squeezed Janet's hand a little, sought strength and courage simply from her being there, "Thanks."

"Thanks?"

"For rescuing me. For telling me, again and again, how much of a bastard he was, even though I never listened. And for... for being here."

A solitary tear trickled down Janet's cheek.

Kevin, and Andy and Mitch too, all crowded around the bottom of the bed, looked uncomfortable. Kevin tapped his foot, "We did try to bring you a bunch of grapes, Rach, but they wouldn't let us."

Gill reached out and smoothed Rachel's hair, with surprisingly cool, and unsurprisingly efficient, tips of fingers. "Mr Savage is in the cells now. He'll never set foot in a court again, after his sentence – with your help, he'll not see the light of day for a good while either."

"But you don't... you don't need to worry about that now," Janet said quickly, "You can take things as slowly as you want."

"Did he say... did he say anything? About why?"

"No."

Gill looked at Janet. Didn't say a word, just looked. Janet released Rachel's hand and wiped her own eyes, smoothed those translucent droplets down her cheeks, looked miserable.

Rachel didn't like that, didn't like her friend being upset. She wondered why. Was it because she'd now seen how it must have been for Adrian and the girls when she'd been lying here on her death bed? Because she was scared for her colleague?

It struck her that you never knew a person, not entirely. She only had to look as far as Nick for that. But she didn't want to think about him. Well, Gill had surprised her – she'd never imagined her boss would suffer fools, but she'd been taken in by her ex just like the rest of them. Bloody hell, were all men like that?

"How are the girls?"

"Oh. You know," Janet still seemed to be struggling with regaining her composure, "They wanted to come and visit, but Ade thought – we both thought – it wasn't the best idea. There'll be time for that."

Rachel nodded. Winced. Janet and Adrian still hadn't ironed out their disagreement? She'd thought the thing (that was how she thought of it, _the thing_, as though it was wrong) between Janet and Andy had been a one off, just a bit of fun. But now she wondered if it went deeper than that. Adrian was a bit of a bore, and seemed not to understand humour or sarcasm, but he was a good man, and he loved Janet so much.

Janet's eyes flickered towards the end of the bed, and the corners of Andy's mouth twitched supportively. Gill saw, Kevin and Mitch saw. None of them seemed surprised. What, had something happened between them? Something more than... Oh, she was sick of secrets.

"And Ade? Is he alright?"

"Yeah."

Too fast. Without a pause, without considering the answer. Just trying to hide her true feelings. Rachel sighed, "Jan..."

"I need to go," she pushed her chair back suddenly, grabbed her coat, fumbled with it as she attempted to push past the lads and leave.

"Janet," Andy caught her by the arm. Rachel strained to see their expressions, see something pass between them, but Janet's face was blank. She shook Andy off, liquid on her face still glimmering, and disappeared.

XxXxX


	3. Chapter 3: Sunset

**Longer chapter! Took me ages to find the names of the girls, I re-watched it (which wasn't a particularly bad experience...) and I'm pretty certain they're called Elise and Taisie, if I'm wrong tell me! :3**

**VERY EXCITED FOR MARCH!**

Outside, she sat down in the corridor. Cool, and calm. The wall behind, the wall in front, both white and pure. She became aware of her heart, throbbing against her ribs, painful in its aggression. The tears on her cheeks, the salt dribbling onto her upper lip.

She saw, flashing before her eyes, the last text she'd received from Adrian, the last text before she'd moved into Andy's. A single word. _Why?_

When she said the girls were okay, it wasn't true. And Adrian... he definitely wasn't. But no, even then, when all of those secrets and lies had tumbled out and he'd been left surrounded by devastation, the only thing he'd said was _why? _She'd have felt better if he'd sent a letter bomb.

Because it wasn't that she didn't love him. It wasn't that she'd fallen in love with Andy, been unable to stay faithful because she'd suddenly discovered a new soul mate and forgotten her husband. It wasn't that. She'd just needed a change, from the repetition of everyday life in her household, from the feeling that she was drowning in boredom, losing herself.

How selfish did that sound? Sometimes, she wondered how she could live with herself from day to day, how she could bear what she'd done to her family. The girls... the day after Rachel's _accident_ had been the last day she'd heard from them. A text from Elise:_ Dad's lying on the bed crying. Again._

She'd wanted them to come with her; of course she had. But they hadn't wanted to leave their father. Because they were good girls. She'd brought them up to be like that – to be honest and intelligent and kind – and now she'd become a total hypocrite.

"Janet."

How long had that been? Two minutes?

"I'm sorry," she told him weakly.

"Don't apologise."

"Is Rachel okay?"

He shrugged a shoulder, "She's worried about you."

She sat forward and buried her head in her hands. He seemed to respect that she didn't want him to touch her, or comfort her, and they sat in silence, both thinking. It wasn't that they were in a relationship; she didn't know if she wanted that yet. He'd just taken her in as a friend, because she'd needed someone to turn to. Did he see it like that? Had she strung him along too?

"Don't cry. Please."

"Well, there's not a lot to smile about, is there?"

"No."

She bit her lip, "I'm sorry, Andy. I... my God, I'm just hurting everyone at the moment; the people I care about. Ade, the girls. You."

A shadow of a smile crossed his face, like the moon peering out between clouds on a mid-winter evening, "I only want you to be happy, Janet. I'm not expecting anything. And if you want to go back to Adrian, when you've cleared your head, then... Then I'll understand. I know the girls need to come first."

"Why are you so nice? I mean... oh, what have I done?"

Andy sighed, "Everyone needs to be selfish sometimes. If it's a crime, I know I'm a sinner too."

Janet raised her head from her hands. She remembered that day, a week ago now, like it was in the present, with the clarity of observing a film. She'd just had that final argument with Adrian, packed a bag, sat and cried on the corner of her street as she'd rung Rachel. No reply. Rung Andy – he'd taken pity, driven round, offered her a room for as long as she'd wanted. She'd thought no more of Rachel not picking up; she'd been too busy feeling sorry for herself.

Then she'd taken the call from Gill. Rachel was in hospital, in surgery. Nick had been arrested; their flat was a crime scene. She'd not heard her boss so shaken up in a long time. And that was because, deep down, she really cared for Rachel, just as they all did.

"Don't punish yourself any more, Janet. It's done. Once everyone's cooled down a little, it'll be okay – I promise you."

She realised she was crying again. She wiped her cheeks, feeling self-conscious, and all the more selfish for his plea. "Rachel was there for me, when Jeff... through everything. So were Ade and the girls, but Rachel... We argued about Nick, and..."

"Janet," he reached out and took her hand. She was babbling, not making sense, and they both knew it. "Please."

"She's got no-one now, has she? I've got Adrian and Elise and Taisie, and you and Gill and Rach and Mitch and Kevin, and she's just lying there on her own. She's got us – like I did – but she can't see that. I should've been there for her, sorted Nick out. She couldn't see what he was doing."

"We all know it's not a crime to fall in love," he said softly. She sniffed, and he sensed he'd said the wrong thing. "She loved him, Jan. You couldn't have done anything to change that. The terrible thing is that she probably still loves him now too. And she's hurting, and she needs you."

"What am I going to do about Ade and the girls? My babies – they hate me. I hate myself."

"They don't. They're scared; nobody likes change. You need to sit down with them, and talk to them, and explain."

"Yeah."

"Look, if I take Kev and Mitch down to the café – I'll offer to buy them some chocolate cake; that'll sort them out – you can talk to Rachel. I think she needs you, and I think you need her."

"Yeah."

"Janet, look at me."

She looked. His gaze was warm, his cheeks slightly flushed in earnest. He reached out, squeezed her knee, and seemed to force all of his willpower into restraining himself. She smiled, and he smiled too, and suddenly she didn't feel as though the world was entirely against her. Just mostly.

She slipped a hand into her pocket, pulled out the phone, dialled her former home number with oddly steady fingers. Answering machine. Those small graces.

"Hi. It's Janet. Mum," she paused, gulped back any remaining emotion, adopted a motherly tone, "Adrian, I want to say I'm sorry before anything else. And Elise, Taisie. I know you must be feeling confused, and I know you're angry with me, but you need to understand that nothing has changed, okay? I still love you – so, so much."

"Meet them?" Andy mouthed.

"Yeah, can I... Look, I don't think it's right that we – that I – hide away behind the phone. We need to meet up, to talk properly. If one of you can, could you please ring me back at some point, when you're free? I could come h... well, whatever – we'll meet somewhere. That's all, then. Thanks. Love you. Bye."

Andy smiled again, "Well done."

"I look at the parents who tear their families apart, and run off into the sunset and don't look back, and I hate them. Now I'm one of them, aren't I?"

"No. For one, you have a conscience. And secondly..." he glanced out of the window at the far end, listened to the rain falling heavily against the glass for a few seconds, "Secondly, it doesn't look like there's much of a sunset tonight."

XxXxX

**Reviews would be wonderful xx**


	4. Chapter 4: Alright

**For MadMaudlinOfBedlam, again**.** I do love Amelia Bullmore.**

Gill sank down onto the sofa and downed the remainder of her wine, then reached for the next bottle. She was pissed, yes, and she felt sick and dizzy, yes, and still couldn't find somewhere quiet in her brain to focus on and calm down. Perhaps she should just admit defeat – there was _nowhere_ quiet in her brain.

Her phone had been ringing all night. Janet to say she needed the day off work tomorrow: 'personal reasons', which usually meant someone was having either an affair or a mental breakdown. Jill supposed both applied.

Then Rachel – _where was Janet?_ – and Kevin – _did she think a pink or purple balloon for Rachel?_ – and Mitch – _would she call him to talk about some new evidence?_ It felt as though she was their mother.

She hadn't done a very good job of being a literal mother, though, had she? Sammy, who'd moved out to live with his dad and his new favourite mum, because they didn't nag him so much. What a load of crap – he only wanted to live with them because they'd bought him a car, for God's sake. Talk about bribery.

Dave had just texted her, too. Did she want to join him and Mrs Shagalot at Sammy's party for finishing his GCSEs? A united front, he called it. More lies. Was she the one who'd slept with countless other colleagues and made a laughing stock of her supposed soulmate? No. Betrayal was a cancer.

If she wanted to help Sammy celebrate his GCSEs, she would. Yes, she could just imagine it – him refusing to turn up, her spending the whole night drinking again? She didn't care. Actually, of course she bloody cared. He was her son; all she'd ever done was what she thought best for him, and he hated her.

She'd texted Dave back, and been a bit rude. Well, she'd intended on it, but she'd been a little tipsy, and he'd ended up being told to 'fack oof'. Who spoke like that? She was her own worst enemy.

Her phone rang. Andy. Oh, for Christ's sake, not him as well. What did he want, advice on how to woo a married person? He was calling on the wrong half of the couple.

She didn't blame Janet. Adrian was a good man, and he loved his family, but... but what? Everyone needed someone else sometimes? _Life's short and then, oh shit, you die, and you never know the day._

Okay, she tried not to blame Janet, but it was too close to the bone for her. She only hoped Taisie and Elise would never find out, because she'd seen how Dave had hurt Sammy. Maybe everyone else had forgotten, but not her.

Andy hung up.

Did people think she was a bitch? What was it that Rachel called her – Godzilla. That could hardly be taken affectionately. She really tried to show love to her colleagues, because she did love them, like a family, possibly more than a family. Was she that cold and cruel that they couldn't see that; they hated her anyway?

Andy rang again.

"What?"

He was silent for a moment, "Hi, Gill."

"What?"

Cold, cruel. An alcoholic. Why hadn't she been sacked years ago? Andy as DCI, Janet as Sergeant? She could see it all without her now, that place. She was disposable, as everyone was in the end.

"I... I just thought you'd want to know how Rachel was, and what happened with Janet?"

"I don't care if you're shagging her, Andy."

Another long silence, "I'm not _shagging_ her. We had a one-night stand, once, a year ago. She needed someone to talk to, and it just happened. It was a mistake, and it didn't happen again."

"Oh."

"She wouldn't do it. She has Ade, and he loves her, and the girls. She's a good woman, Gill," Andy sighed deeply, "It's a shame I love her all the more because of that."

"I'm sorry."

"No, no, it's fine."

Gill gulped down some wine, hoping to flush other things down with it, "How is Rachel?"

"She's okay. Are you... are you okay?"

"Yes.

"You sound... like you're upset?"

"Do I?"

Andy coughed, "I know you feel responsible, but none of it's your fault. You couldn't have known what extremes Nick Savage would go to. You're her boss, not her guardian angel."

"Aren't I?"

"No."

"It feels like I should be, sometimes."

"And that's what makes you one of the good guys, Gill. You care."

Andy was lucky. No wife, no kids. He wasn't scarred. He loved Janet, and he had to resist that, but he didn't have a clue about pain. Longing or regretting? She'd choose longing every time.

"Look," he sensed she didn't want this tonight, "If you need anything, ring me. See you tomorrow."

"Yeah," she said.

"It'll be alright, Gill."

"Yeah. Thank you."

She waited until he'd gone, then dropped the phone. She thought about all the cases she'd dealt with throughout all the years, and all the problems in her personal life too. Then she stood up, took the wine bottle and poured everything down the sink.

There'd been a magnet on her grandma's fridge door, she remembered; at her height, where she'd always read it as a girl when she went searching for a snack. She'd always loved that quote, but then she'd gone through a period of hating it, hating lies.

She smiled. If you didn't believe in something in this world, you had nothing.

_Everything will be okay in the end._

_ If it's not okay, it's not the end._

XxXxX


	5. Chapter 5: Coffee

**Chapter 5**

**So, so excited for series two now! *fan girl squeal* 8 days to go, I'm counting down!**

**By the way, bet you can't guess who this chapter is dedicated to (again)? ;) xx**

"Kevin, sit down."

"Ma'am."

The room was silent as Kevin sat down, the peace broken only by the creak of the chair legs. Gill gave him her best evil glare, but her eyes were shining, threatening to overflow with amusement; she couldn't keep up the angry pretence for long.

Most of the team were smiling too, smirking into their coffees, hiding behind their sheets of paper. When Gill was in a good mood, everyone else was. That was how life in MIT worked.

"What's got you excited, then, ma'am?" Kevin seemed to think he could speak now, "Juicy case to dig your teeth into?"

She took a sip of her coffee, thoughtful, then stood up, "Yes, actually."

"This," Andy held up a photograph, "Is Amanda Bowes."

There was another pause as everyone in the room digested her appearance. Young, pretty. Blonde curls cascading over her shoulders, blue eyes warm and intelligent. It was funny how you could tell so much from a photograph; they were often misleading, but you still looked.

"Twenty four," Gill continued, "Lives with her boyfriend of two years, and their two cats. Recently told friends they were close to engagement, but nothing seems to have come of that so far."

Janet noted the _lives_; so, Amanda was alive. And cats? God, what was this, a zoo? Kevin had already had a dog in here last week. "What the hell does this have to do with the major incident team?"

Kevin smirked, "Chill, Scotty. They're just building up the tension."

"Piss off, Kevin."

"What the hell's wrong with you? Hey, have you and the gov swapped personalities for the day or something?"

"Enough, Kev," Andy sighed.

Kevin looked perturbed. Actually, everyone did. Janet was hardly ever in a bad mood, and never told anyone to 'piss off'. Yeah, she'd had a lot on her plate at the moment; working hard, trying to care for two teenage girls, worrying about Rachel. But...

"Okay," Gill continued, "We'll get to the point, then. Miss Bowes, who works at St. Paul's Primary – teaches English, incidentally – is downstairs waiting to be interviewed. She wants to speak to someone urgently, she says, about her perhaps-serial-rapist colleague. That blunt enough for you?"

"Perhaps?" Mitch enquired.

"Yep," Andy picked up his coffee and took another gulp, trying to stifle his yawn. He met Janet's gaze across the desk. She looked away. "She wants us to be clear on one thing – she's not sure if she's got it right."

"She's invented it? Is there any evidence?" Kevin asked eagerly.

"Well, why the hell do you think we need to interview her, Kevin?"

"Of course, Ma'am, but..."

Janet coughed, and they looked at her, "A teacher?"

"Yep."

"The rape of... of children?"

"Yep."

Suddenly, the mood in the briefing room didn't seem so cheerful after all. Janet reached down and picked up her pen, doodling squares, doodling lines across the squares. Like bars in a jail, like she was trapping someone into the paper, or perhaps like she was trapped herself.

"Andy and I are going to have the first crack at her," Gill shrugged her coat off, flung it over her chair, "Kevin, I want everything you can pull up on the guy – Peter Jackson. Mitch, get uniform to pull in the headteacher; we need to know what he knows of this, what action has been taken, etcetera. The potential rapist guy, Jackson, is caretaker of the school. Softly softly first, please, until we've determined what exactly's going on, but if it's necessary, we'll get in there all guns blazing and deal with it, okay?"

"Got it, Ma'am," Kevin stood up, crossed the room and slumped down at his computer. His chair creaked again.

"I'll be down in a minute, Andy," Gill said, gesturing to the door, "Janet, my office."

XxXxX

"I..." Janet stared into her coffee, "I met Adrian and the girls last night. I've been staying at Andy's; it wasn't working any more, I – we – thought it would be best for Taisie and Elise of we weren't arguing constantly, if we were apart for a few days, until it cooled down."

"Staying at Andy's?"

"You can think what you want about me, Gill. I'm past caring."

Gill's face hardened, "I think you might want to remember where you are, and who you're talking to."

"Sorry. Ma'am."

"No, no, don't do the rank thing. I don't mean that; I would never mean that. I just want to help you, Janet."

Janet took another sip of her coffee, and realised it was cold. Not just cold, but stone cold, like it was from months ago, like someone had played a prank on her. Maybe they had. Maybe she'd just held it for too long.

"Yeah, I was at Andy's. But nothing... it happened once, and not again."

"I know. I talked to Andy last night."

Janet looked worried again, "What, about me?"

"No. Yes. I... well, I was upset. I was pissed, and pissed off. About Sammy, and about work, and... I don't know, I assumed you and Andy were shagging each other. He put me right, very quickly."

"What happened with Sammy?"

Gill took a deep breath, then spun around in her chair and leant down into the cupboard. She grabbed a bottle and two glasses, dumped them on the desk. They needed something stronger.

"Nothing. Nothing more. I just sometimes feel like he hates me, and that whatever I try to do is wrong. And that you – everyone here – are falling apart too, and they need me, and all I can do is shout at them, and never show them that I actually care."

"We know you care, Jan."

"Do you?" she poured two glasses, handed one across.

"Yes. We do. Do you know what Rachel said to me, the other day?"

"What?"

"I said," Rachel began from the doorway, and both women jumped up and turned to stare at their colleague, as though she were a ghost, "I said you're a Godzilla bitch, but we love you."

"Oh," Gill said.

XxXxX

**RACHEL'S BACK :)**

**Reviews would be wonderful xxx**


	6. Chapter 6: Thank you

**Where I wrote **_**"We know you care, Jan."**_ **towards the end of the chapter six, I meant Gill. Obviously.**

**Don't know if I've ever said this about this story, but I don't own any of the characters, or the places, or the actors, unfortunately. Wish I did. I wrote some fan mail to the actors on Sunday actually; I really hope they'll reply...**

Chapter 6

"Yeah, I'm glad to see you, too."

"Sorry," Gill said distractedly, spinning around again. She took another glass from the cupboard, dumped it on the desk, poured Rachel a small drink. "There you go."

Rachel took it, downed the liquid in one gulp. Gill moved to pour her some more, but Janet reached out and took the bottle. Both of her colleagues watched her, saw her hands shake as she stood up and put the whisky back onto its shelf.

"Are you alright, Janet?"

"I should be asking you that."

Gill took a small sip from her own glass, glancing between the two women, wondering which way it would go. They were both staring at each other intensely; she couldn't quite tell if they'd leap up and hug, or start fighting. She hoped not, in the middle of the office. She was sick of things being broken around here.

"What have I missed, then?"

"Nothing," Janet said.

"Quite a lot, actually, Rachel," Gill disagreed.

"You shouldn't be here," Janet sat back down, glaring at Gill now, with deep blue eyes. They were glimmering. Was it the light, or was it laughter, or was it tears? They all knew which was most likely. "You shouldn't be out of hospital yet, never mind working."

"I... what's wrong?"

Janet just shook her head. Rachel reached out to touch her friend's hand, but she withdrew it, took her fingers from the desk, so that Rachel's fell on the cold, hard desk.

"Okay," Rachel said softly, "Fine."

"Right, I don't know what's going on with you two, but it doesn't go on in my office," Gill finished her drink and lifted a pile of papers from the desk onto her knees, "Rachel, are you feeling okay? Are you sure you're ready to be here?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Well then, I see no reason to object. Make sure you take it easy. Stay in the office until you're sure you've fully recovered. And come and see me if you need anything."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Good," Gill smiled, and Rachel saw only for the second time that glimmer of humanity in her boss, the suggestion that she wasn't such a bitch, that she really did care.

Rachel knew that every person was the same, underneath; they loved, they wanted love. Even the criminals she worked with, the murderers, loved someone, were loved by someone; everyone was. It was just that you sometimes had to look hard to realise that.

"I'm going to interview Amanda Bowes with Andy now. I think you two should go and get a coffee, catch up," Gill stood up, slipped her coat on, carried the papers under her arm.

Rachel stood up and left the room, without looking back or waiting for Janet. Gill watched as she hugged Kevin and Mitch in turn, then gave both of them a playful slap too. They'd missed her; everyone had missed her. Why was Janet acting as though she hadn't?

"Don't take your problems out on her, Janet."

Janet stood alone in her boss's office, watching through the gaps in the blinds as her boss joined the two men and Rachel, laughing, chatting about something, handing around a box of donuts. She felt as though she was a million miles away from them right now.

She turned a little. Andy was sitting alone at his desk, focused on his computer, fingers flying over the keyboard. His eyes looked weary, pained. She knew the feeling. At least she wasn't the only one.

XxXxX

"It's all healed now," Rachel had pulled up her top, was showing an admiring Kevin the stitched wound across her stomach. She had an enviably toned body to Gill, but then she was a lot younger.

"Come on, Andy," Gill called, and they both disappeared out of the office, heading for the interview suites.

"What's up with Scotty?" Kevin gestured towards Gill's office.

"Don't know," Rachel shrugged, slumping down at her desk, flicking a half-deflated balloon from the wood, taking another donut, "Obviously doesn't want to be friends any more."

"She was really worried about you, Rach," Mitch said.

"Yeah, well, she's not now, is she?"

"Oh, leave her to sulk," Kevin took another donut too, stuffing it into his mouth. Chocolate sauce dribbled down his chin, and he licked it off. Rachel rolled her eyes.

"Rachel, I think..." Mitch was still watching Janet, "I think you should talk to her. She's not had it easy, you know?"

Rachel followed his gaze. Janet turned away when she saw Rachel looking. "I need a piss. If she wants to talk to me, she knows where the loos are. She spends enough time there normally."

XxXxX

"I was worried about you."

"Yeah, sorry for that. Sorry for the inconvience."

"Rachel..."

Rachel opened her handbag, took out her hairbrush, began running it through her wavy locks, "What's pissed you off today, then? You're in a right mood. Don't tell me, you walked out on Aid and the girls to be with Andy, only now you've realised adultery isn't all it's cracked up to be, and you want sympathy?"

"Oh, for f..." Janet snapped, stopping herself, "I am_ not_ seeing Andy, okay? It happened once._ Once_. What do you all take me for? Some of them – Kevin, Mitch – I can understand; it's gossip to them. But you? I thought you might have a bit more faith in me than that, Rachel. I'm not a completely cold-hearted bitch."

Rachel dropped the hairbrush, "Aren't you?"

Janet kicked the base of the sink.

"Bloody hell, Janet, I thought you were an adult."

"I could say the same about you."

"What, because I fell in love? Because I trusted a man? Because I didn't want you to ruin it for me? That's a crime, is it? At least _I _wasn't the one sleeping with two men at once, hey? You know what? You're as bad as him. You're as bad as Nick. There's no-one to bloody trust around here any more."

Janet didn't speak.

"You know another thing? You don't deserve Aid; you don't deserve the girls. And if you think I want to be your friend, then you're wrong. I'm not interested, okay? Suit yourself. You'll soon find out that the world's a lonely place, when you're on your own," Rachel shoved her hairbrush back into the bag, shoved a piece of chewing gum into her mouth, opened the door, "You don't deserve to have friends."

The door slammed.

"Thank you," Janet whispered.

XxXxX

**Please review... and anyone reading this, write your own Scott&Bailey fanfiction too, there's hardly anyone writing it and I love reading the stories! :3**


	7. Chapter 7: Donut

**For _MadMaudlinOfBedlam_. With special thanks to_ ScottAndBailey4eva_ for the encouragement! :')**

**Umm, this is a little weird, seen as I don't even like donuts, but there seems to be an obsession with them in this story... Blame Kevin.**

Chapter 7

"Where's Janet?"

"Don't know," Rachel said.

"Kev?"

He shrugged, "Donut?"

"No thanks. Mitch?"

"None of us know, Andy."

Gill re-entered the office, dumped down the pile of papers, glanced around at her officers, "Where's Janet?"

There was a collective sigh.

"Rachel? What happened to getting a coffee and catching up? Wasn't she supposed to be keeping an eye on you, given that she was deeply convinced you shouldn't be back here yet?" Gill asked, eyebrows knitting together, "Kevin, give me a donut."

"Sure, Ma'am," he held out the tray. She took two.

"Kevin and Mitch needed my help, Ma'am. They've updated me on the case with Amanda Bowes so far."

"Yeah, her being Sherlock, and all that," Kevin smirked.

Mitch wrinkled his nose, "How did the interview go?"

"_Maybe, perhaps, I think_," Gill shrugged, "Not bloody sure of anything, that girl. Still, something about her makes me want to believe it."

"Yeah," Andy shrugged distractedly, "I'm going to find Janet."

"Try behind the bike sheds? She's probably down to her underwear waiting for you by now; you'd better find her before she freezes, or that would be a bit awkward for you both," Kevin grinned.

Andy stormed away.

"They only shagged _once_, Kev. Get it right."

"Alright, enough of the sarcasm, Sherlock," Gill suggested, in a way that made her sound like she couldn't be messed with. Rachel nodded, and they all turned back to their work, Kevin still smirking.

In truth, Gill was surprised. Worried, even. Something was definitely going on with Janet. She'd obviously really upset Rachel too – the younger officer had a fiery temper, but she'd never betray her friend unless something had seriously upset her.

"I want a plan drawing up for the arrest of Peter Jackson, and a warrant too, but we'll hang fire until tomorrow."

"Right," Rachel said.

"And when Janet and Andy come back, tell them I want a word."

"Right."

Kevin waited until Gill had disappeared into her office before turning to Rachel, "Did they _really_ only shag _once_?"

XxXxX

Janet sank down onto the toilet seat and tucked her legs up to her chin, burying her head in her knees. Her long blonde hair – which needed washing; she'd been so busy worrying about her family and her friends she hadn't really had time to do anything for herself – tickled her face.

Her phone vibrated against her side, and she dug it out. A text from Gill. She opened it reluctantly, finger shaking as she pressed the keys: _Are you okay?_ Well, she was honoured. Gill never texted anyone; she preferred to just ring them up and rant.

Was that harsh? Gill had never done anything to hurt her; all she'd ever done was attempt to be a good boss. It didn't matter that she was sometimes moody, because she honestly cared, and that was all you could really ask of someone you had to trust.

She replied. _Yeah thanks x_

Another text came through quickly: _And really?_

Janet sighed and shoved her phone back into her pocket. She wasn't in the mood to talk about it, she just wanted to sit and think in silence. Her husband hated her, probably wanted a divorce, and her kids didn't particularly seem to care either.

That tore her apart, the idea that she'd given them over a decade of unconditional love, but now they barely noticed if she wasn't in their lives. Sometimes, marriages broke down, but relationships between children and parents shouldn't ever fall apart; she knew that from her experience of life and of policing, because she'd seen what happened when people felt like nobody gave a damn about them any more.

"Janet?"

She didn't reply.

Andy wasn't giving up so easily. He spoke softly, gently, but also with an air of authority, "Are you in there?"

"Yes," she said.

"Are you crying?"

She hadn't realised it until he'd asked, but now she raised a hand to her eyes and felt the dampness on her cheeks, and realised her lip was bleeding too where she'd bitten it. She gave a muffled sob.

"Open the door?"

"You shouldn't be in here."

"Neither should you," he tapped his fingers against the door, "You should be out there, sorting out this case for them. Come on, Janet, they need you – they need your experience, they need..."

"Are you trying to say I'm old?"

He laughed, but the laughter sounded hollow, "They need your experience, and they need your compassion."

"They hate me."

"No, they don't."

"They do."

Andy sighed, "Janet, open the bloody door."

She uncurled her legs and flicked the lock. He stumbled forwards, as though he'd been leaning against the frame when she'd opened it, but then he saw her face and held out his arms. She fell against him.

"It's okay," he rocked her backwards and forwards gently, holding her to his chest, breathing in her smell, "It's okay."

She pulled away eventually, crying, "People... they've been saying... they think stuff about us. They think we're together, and they think I left Adrian for you, and they... they think..."

"And they're wrong," he whispered.

"I'm so sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry."

She sniffed, and wiped her eyes on the cuff of her sleeve. She'd always lectured Taisie when she did that, told her to get a tissue. But Adrian had always let her get away with it. Did that mean he loved her more; did that mean _she _loved _him _more? Which parent would she choose, if she had to make that decision? Didn't the fact she'd stayed with her father this week answer that unasked question? Oh, God. What had she done?

Andy. She loved him so much, and she was attracted to him, yes, but she knew it wasn't right, deep down in her heart. She loved Adrian, and she loved her children too much to do that to them. She was just confused; she'd just wanted someone to love her. Now she was doing this to him, though, forcing him to see her upset, letting him hug her. She was just torturing him, rubbing it in his face.

"I do. I'm sorry."

He raised a hand and wiped a new tear from her cheek. His fingers were warm. She took a deep breath, tried to smile. Then she sat back down on the toilet seat, because she couldn't go back upstairs. Andy crouched down and touched her knee. Maybe he understood, maybe not. Maybe she was ruining his life as well as her own. Maybe.

She bent her head and cried some more, her tears dribbling onto his fingers.

Sometimes, you had to let it all go.

Sometimes, it hurt.

XxXxX

**Please review xxx**


	8. Chapter 8: Red

**Wanted to carry on writing my ongoing story that isn't FanFiction, but my mind is kind of on other things, so I need to think about Scott & Bailey as distraction...**

Chapter 7:

The sun was falling down behind the trees when Rachel knocked on Gill's office door, the sky darkening from a beautiful glimmering blue to a dusky grey-navy. Like the mood of the office; as the afternoon wore on, negativity had rose up inside all of them.

Gill raised her head from where it had been placed in her hands on the desk, and beckoned the young constable inside, "Rachel. Sit down. What can I do for you?"

She perched on the edge of the seat, "Where's Janet?"

"I wish you'd all make your minds up. A minute ago you were slagging her off to her colleagues, revealing details about who she'd shagged and how often."

"I know," Rachel coughed, "Where is she?"

"She left."

"She left?"

"Yep," Gill wiggled the mouse attached to the computer, and the screen lit up, illuminating her face, making her eyes seem full of fire, "A few minutes ago. Said she was tired. It's quiet for now, until the school thing kicks off tomorrow when we go in to get Jackson, so I said it was fine if she wanted to go. And she did."

"Was Andy with her?"

"Nope. He's gone off to the shop with Mitch to get some more cake or something. I told them to get me an extra large chocolate muffin, and a new bottle of whisky while they were at it."

It was very difficult to tell if Gill was joking or not sometimes. Rachel just nodded, "Okay."

"Probably not a great first day back?"

"Not really."

"I'm sure it'll all have blown over by tomorrow. Everyone argues."

"Yeah."

Gill looked up, met her gaze, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I..." she trailed off, "I don't know. She's right – I wasn't ready to come back. It all feels like everything's changed around me, and I don't fit in any more. It's just like I'm not fit to do my job now; I feel like I failed."

Gill let go of the mouse and reached out to brush Rachel's hand instead. Gill's hands were normally cold – she laughed if anyone told her that, and said her heart was too – but Rachel's were freezing underneath hers. Her face was pale, her eyes scared.

"Of course you didn't fail," she said gently, "How were you supposed to know that man was such a bastard? You weren't. Remember my track record?"

"Janet..."

"You said it yourself, she shagged Andy! We're all guilty, Rachel, of being a little stupid sometimes, and a little selfish. But we all fall in love too, and it's definitely not a crime."

"It feels like it is."

"That's because you care."

"Do I? Or do I just pretend? Do I just lie to myself?"

"Of course you don't," Gill sighed, "Rachel, just calm down. Come on, we all have bad days. You're a strong girl; you'll be okay."

Rachel nodded, stood up.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," she left the room without another word.

Gill stared after her, wondered whether she should follow, whether she should buy the detective a coffee and sit in the canteen chatting with her. But she had a feeling that Rachel wanted to be on her own at the moment. She had to respect that.

XxXxX

"Hello, Taisie, darling," Janet said, playing with her hair nervously as her daughter answered the door, "Can I come in?"

Taisie stood on the front step, blocking the way into the house, looking nervous, yet not particularly glad to see her mother, "I dunno."

"Who is it?" Elise called.

Just hearing their voices again made her heart feel whole for a moment, like they could heal her, but at the same time she felt like everything was changing and she couldn't stop it. Her daughter's clothes were creased, and her eyes were tired. Adrian had probably been leaving them to do what they wanted; had they even been eating, or getting to sleep at a decent hour?

"How are you?" Janet asked, trying to make conversation.

"Fine," Taisie shrugged a shoulder, "Dad's not in."

"Well, that's okay; I wanted to see you as well. I brought you a present," she held up a carrier bag hopefully, "Please can I come in, love? It's freezing out here. I won't stay long, if you don't want."

"Dad told me not to let you come in."

"Did he?" she felt anger swell up inside her, "What about how _you_ feel? Do _you_ not want to see me?"

"I dunno, Mum," Taisie whined.

"Is it Mum?"

"Yeah."

There was a long silence, footsteps in the corridor, and Elise appeared. Pushed past her younger sister, faced her mother with her hands on her hips. "What do you want?"

"Just to talk to you."

"About what?"

"Everything."

Elise raised her eyebrow. Janet had never been able to raise her eyebrow, or curl her tongue, or lick her elbow, or do any of those things, but both Taisie and Elise could, just like Adrian.

"We don't want you here," Elise snapped, "You walked out on Dad, when it was your fault. You slept with some man from your work, didn't you? We're not stupid. You can't treat us like crap; we're supposed to be family."

"I know, and I'm really sorry. I haven't been sleeping with him, and I didn't walk out on your dad, but... Look, that's what I wanted to say. I want to explain," Janet sighed, "Please, El, let me come in."

"She only wants to talk to us," Taisie said quietly.

"Well, she can't."

"Okay, well, will you take this, then," Janet held out the carrier bag, and an envelope too, "I wrote you a letter, to explain. In case you wouldn't talk to me. I just want you to know the truth."

Elise took them, and Janet smiled, but Elise dropped them down on the floor, stepped outside and stamped. The carrier bag split, and sweets and books spilled out all over the pavement. Some red dye from the _Smarties_ leaked into a puddle and spread like blood.

"Go away," Elise said.

"El, please, I..."

"Go away."

Janet saw a tear trickle down Taisie's cheek in the dim light, "Elise, let her in. You can't do this. She's our mum."

Elise shrugged, "Not any more."

She slammed the door in her mother's face. Janet sat down on the front doorstep, in the damp, amidst the presents littered across the path. She didn't cry; she was too shocked to cry. She hadn't expected this. Adrian was angry, yes, and her daughters were protecting him; she accepted that. But they had to listen to her too. He couldn't poison their minds forever. She needed them, and they needed her.

Her phone rang in her pocket, and she dragged it out impatiently_. _Rachel. Well, what the bloody hell did she want? _You'll soon find out that the world's a lonely place, when you're on your own_, she'd screamed at her. It was.

She rejected the call, and sat with the phone on her knee for a moment. There was a text from Gill – _Are you okay? Rachel seems sorry; maybe you could have a word with her, and make up? x_

A kiss from Gill? She was honoured. And another message from Andy – _I'll be back home about five or six, ring me if you need anything before then. It'll all be okay Jan._

The phone shook her knee as it vibrated. Rachel. Again. For God's sake, a minute ago she hadn't deserved friends, but now she was getting all this attention from her colleagues wanting to speak with her. Did they pity her? She hated pity. She really hated pity.

She threw the phone at the floor, and it smashed in the pool of Smarties that had become a rainbow.

XxXxX

**LAST UPDATE BEFORE EPISODE ONE TONIGHT! *extended fan girl scream again* EXCITED! xD**

**Please review xx**


	9. Chapter 9: Paramedic

**This is the second last chapter of _Sometimes it Hurts_. I've been thinking about my next FanFic, I haven't got very far with it yet, but it's going to involve Gill and her family troubles I think. Any ideas anyone?**

**Meanwhile, omg, episode one of series two was AMAZING. I'm so excited for next week now, I love them all so much *fangirl scream***

Chapter 9:

"Look, just stay still, love."

"I'm fine."

The paramedic kneeling beside Rachel just laughed, and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders. She'd heard that before many times: I'm fine. Sometimes it was true, but this time it evidently wasn't.

"Rachel, love, can you tell me about yourself? How old are you? Where do you work? Can we call someone for you?"

"The police station," she murmured, raising a hand to her head and feeling warm sticky blood dribble across her face, "No, I don't have anyone. I used to have a boyfriend, but... but..."

"Okay, sweetie, don't panic. The injury here," the paramedic raised cool expert fingers to Rachel's stomach, pressed against the scars, "This looks old? Has it re-opened? You should've got medical attention before – this is really serious now. What happened?"

"I got stabbed," she said, with all the sarcasm she could manage – wasn't the knife-shaped hole in her side enough to prove that? "I discharged myself."

"That was a bit daft, wasn't it?"

"I went back to work," suddenly, she remembered the argument with Janet, and what she'd said to Gill, and how neither of them had answered her calls when she'd been lying in the street gasping for breath. Hot tears spilled down her cheeks. "I don't know why. I wasn't ready – I_ wasn't _ready. They... they don't... want me back."

"I'm sure that's not true," the paramedic said distractedly, wrapping something large and white and fluffy around Rachel's stomach, pressing something onto her head, "Don't cry, darling. Come on; carry on telling me about yourself. Do you have any family? There must be someone we can call; neighbour, colleague? You need someone there with you at the hospital."

"I don't want to go to hospital," Rachel pushed the cool hands away, "I just want to go home."

"You need medical attention, quickly."

"You can't force me."

"Nope," the paramedic suddenly stopped working, took a step back from Rachel, "I can drive off, if you want? Leave you here all alone to cry about how bad your life is? Maybe you'll die in the gutter, if that's what you'd like?"

Rachel gave a sob.

"It's alright," she took her arm, helped her up into the ambulance, "Just let us help you, and it'll be alright."

XxXxX

Gill opened the door to her office, "Kevin!"

"Boss," he put his coffee down on the desk and wandered across the room towards her, "What's up?"

"Where's Andy?"

"Dunno."

She sounded strangled, "Where is he, Kevin?"

"I don't know, Ma'am. What's happened?"

Gill shook her head, moved back into her office, sank down at the desk. Kevin entered – incredibly reluctantly – and put an arm on his boss's shoulder. She didn't push him away, just buried her head in her hands. He waited patiently.

"Where's Andy?" she spoke eventually, repeating herself.

"He was here about quarter of an hour ago, Ma'am. I think he went out, I'm not sure where. He was planning on coming back by this afternoon; I know that. He said we'd go out drinking tonight."

"Okay."

"Why? What's happened? What's wrong?"

She picked up her phone, "I need to ring Janet."

Kevin froze, "Is he hurt?"

"No, no," Gill sighed, looking up at him for the first time as she dialled a number. She knew it off-by-heart; she'd known Janet a long time. "It's Rachel."

"Rachel?" Kevin squealed.

Gill held a finger to her lips, gave him a sympathetic smile as she listened to the hollow ringing down the line. There was a dull click as the phone was picked up.

"Gill, I need some time, I can't..."

"Janet," Gill interrupted her, in a tone that made Kevin's fingers shake against his boss's shoulder – she sounded frightened, and when Gill sounded frightened, something was really wrong.

"What?" Janet seemed to have picked up on it too, for now she sounded worried, "What's wrong?"

"I... look, have you spoken to Rachel since last night?"

Janet sighed, "No."

"Or Andy?"

"He texted me. I text back to say I wouldn't be going home to his house yesterday night, then I stayed at my mum's. I couldn't... I just needed to clear my head," another long pause, "I still do. If this is about you trying to reconcile me and Rachel and Andy, don't bother. I'll deal with it in my own time."

"Yeah," Gill said softly, "Okay."

"Are you... are you okay?"

"Not really."

"Why?"

"Janet, I don't want you to worry..."

"What?" Janet was evidently panicking now, whatever Gill requested. The more people said 'don't worry', the more you did; they both knew that. "Is it Andy? What's happened, Gill? Is he hurt?"

"No, no. Andy's okay, as far as I know."

"What, then?"

"Ma'am," Kevin squeezed her shoulder, "You have to tell her."

"Janet, an ambulance driving past in the early hours found Rachel at the edge of the road. They thought she was just another drunk, but they stopped and she... she's quite badly injured; they're taking her to hospital now."

"What... what happened? Did someone attack her?"

Gill paused for a moment. Janet sounded detached, sounded like she was asking the questions because she had to, and not because she wanted to know the answers. "I'm not sure yet. She told them she worked at the police station, so they called to try to find a next-of-kin or something. I said I'd go. Kevin's going to come with me."

Kevin just nodded. He couldn't argue today. He was struggling not to cry in front of his boss already.

"Is she... a next-of-kin? Is it... is she really badly hurt?"

"I don't know. I won't know anything until I get there; they told me she was confused, she seemed really emotional, wasn't entirely sure of what was going on around her. I just thought you'd want to know."

"Okay. Thank you," Janet said.

"Are you okay?"

"I..." Janet paused, then sobs engulfed her, "No. Oh my God, what have I done? If I'd just answered my phone, I...oh my God, poor Rachel, she must've been so scared, I..."

"It's not your fault. She called me last night too, but I'd turned my phone off because I was sick of it ringing and wanted peace for a few hours. It's just one of those things. You couldn't have known."

"Yeah," she whispered, like she wanted to believe it.

"I'm going to go to the hospital now, and see her."

"Yeah. Can I... I should come. I don't have a car, I left it at Andy's, he... can you come and get me?"

Gill looked up at Kevin, and he nodded.

"Yeah. Just hang on; we'll be there in a few minutes."

"Okay."

XxXxX

**I don't own Scott&Bailey. I wish I did.**

**Please review xxx**

**(and don't worry, the final chapter will be up soon!)**


	10. Chapter 10: The End

**This is the final chapter, thought I'd put it up before tonight, which incidentally I won't see until tomorrow again *sigh*, sure it'll be worth waiting for!**

"Rachel."

She sat up in bed, then groaned and collapsed against the pillows, her eyes wide and pained, "Jesus."

"Well, you haven't lost the knack of blaspheming then?" Kevin smirked, but he reached out and helped her sit up properly.

She smiled her thanks, because she felt too weak to say anything more for a long moment, and instead reached for his hand. He pushed his chair right up to the side of the bed and wrapped his arm around her, and let her sob into his shoulder.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Nothing. I just got pissed, and I fell. I hit my head. It was my own fault," she sniffed, wiping her nose on the corner of her hospital gown, like a child might, "I'm never going to drink again."

"Yeah, right. I'll believe that when I see it."

She managed a half-smile again, "Arse."

"Janet and Gill are downstairs getting coffee. They've been waiting for you to wake up for hours; we all have," he said softly, "I'm really glad you're okay, Rachel."

"You call this okay?"

"I thought... I thought you were dead or something."

Rachel coughed, "Cheers, Kevin."

"No, I'm serious."

They looked at each other for a long moment, and then he leaned forwards and kissed her on the lips, just briefly, trying it. She frowned, then shuffled along and kissed him back, letting him hold her, stroke her hair. She ignored the pain in her side, and in her head. She focused on his soft eyes and warm hands.

"No, we shouldn't do this. You're ill, I'm taking advantage, you wouldn't want..." he pulled away.

"I do want this," she pulled him back and kissed him again.

When they'd finished, he climbed onto the bed, and she cried again, because she didn't really know what she wanted at all. She just wanted friends, and family, and colleagues, who'd all support her, and she wanted a loving relationship with someone she could trust, and she wanted a dog. She'd always wanted a dog.

"It's okay," he whispered.

"Kevin!" Gill screeched from the doorway.

He slid from the bed guiltily and tried to leave the room, but Rachel clung on to his hand. He sat down beside her.

"Rachel," Janet came in behind her boss, and crouched down beside the bed, her hair still damp from the falling rain outside, her eyes equally wet from the tears lingering on her face, "I'm so sorry."

"Me too," Gill said.

"Me too," Kevin nodded. Then he laughed, and Rachel laughed too, because it seemed like the right thing to do.

"How are you?" Janet asked.

"I feel like shit," she pulled up her top and showed Kevin her stomach, only this time the scars had split and had to be re-stitched, and dried blood stained her skin.

This time, Gill didn't wish she had that stomach, that enviably flat chest. This time, she wanted to cry for Rachel. "You missed the exciting show-down. The Amanda Bowes case?"

"Just my luck."

"Well, not really. It wasn't a lot of fun. Pretty boring, actually. We went in there, all guns blazing – Kevin even wore a stab vest, which he was very proud of – and..."

"Hey!" Kevin argued.

"And he was just sitting at his desk, and we all went in there, and the headteacher just looked at him. He got down on his knees and held out his hands for the handcuffs, and he just admitted it."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Janet took over, "Straight away. Didn't look remorseful or anything, just admitted the rape of all these little innocent girls, actually looked Gill in the eye. It was horrible."

"Amanda was right? We doubted her, didn't we?"

"No," Gill said softly, "She doubted _herself_."

"Which a lot of us do, sometimes," someone said from the doorway.

Rachel and Janet both turned to look, and found that Adrian and Andy had both stepped inside the room. Together. Not arguing, just standing beside each other. Rachel pulled down her gown, self-conscious, but both men were watching Janet.

"Ade," she said.

"You okay?" he asked gruffly.

She stood up and walked over to him, and they kissed. Then she looked at Andy too, and she kissed his cheek, and he grinned.

"Rachel!" Taisie squealed, pushing past her dad and running over to hug her mum's friend, "Are you okay?"

"Yes, thanks, kidda. Oh, I've missed you."

"I've missed you too. Can we go to McDonalds tonight?"

"I'm not sure Rach..." Janet began.

"Of course we can, Tais. Where's your sister?"

"Here." Elise hovered behind her dad too, looking uncomfortable, fiddling with her hair. After a moment, she looked at her mum, "I'm sorry, Mum. I didn't mean it. I was just scared. I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's okay, darling," Janet hugged her, "I understand. I'm really sorry for hurting you. But it's going to be okay now, yeah? We'll go home, and we'll talk about it."

"Family reunions," Gill tapped her foot.

Rachel looked up at her, and she saw that her boss had tears in her eyes. She remembered what Janet had told her about Dave Murray, how this must really hurt Gill to see everyone else getting along really well, when she was on her own.

"I'm fine," Gill said impatiently, meeting Rachel's gaze.

Janet took a step back, and wrapped her arm around Gill too. They hugged briefly – the best you got from Gill – and even Andy and Adrian shook hands, very formal.

Kevin raised his eyebrows at Gill, "You can come to McDonalds too, if you want, boss?"

"Hey, it's my McDonald's party. And Taisie gets to decide who's coming," Rachel sighed mockingly, "Don't go taking over, Kevin."

"Godzilla can come," Taisie nodded.

"_Taisie_!" Adrian and Janet yelled together.

"Was that one of those... those things you're supposed to keep between the four walls of the house?"

"Yes."

"Oops. Sorry. No offence."

Gill raised her eyebrows, "None taken."

Kevin and Rachel kissed then, and Adrian and Janet. The girls skipped off to steal some chocolates from the box in the waiting room, and Andy walked round to stand next to Gill. He saw her looking at him.

"Alright, Andy?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah," he agreed, "Are you?"

Gill nodded, and looked around the room. Couples, kissing. Andy must feel the same as she did, neglected and left out. Still, he must be glad, to see Janet happy. Good things came to good people, in time. He'd be happy too, one day.

He was looking at her now, with a humoured gleam in his eye, "You don't mind if we don't kiss, do you, Ma'am?"

XxXxX

**That's the end, then. I didn't own any of the characters or anything else from Scott&Bailey. Except my love for it.**

** Thanks to _MadMaudlinOfBedlam_ for the encouragement all the way through, and to _ScottAndBailey4eva_ too, and to everyone else who read, reviewed, alerted and favourited. I love you all!**

**Please review and tell me what you thought... or give me any new ideas for the next story :3 xx**


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